October Poet Shevlin Hughley

It's been a full week son.

Two black men murdered by the very people sworn to protect them just a day apart.

Then following the aftermath, gunmen shot officers and killed several.

This morning, as you got ready for camp, you doodled like usual.

You came in to hug me after brushing your teeth, like usual and instead of rushing you along, I hugged you a bit tighter.

A bit longer.

Instead of fussing at you to get in gear, I rested in knowing that you were safe in my arms.

Safe with me.

You see son, in just a few short years, you will be seen as a man.

I know that's confusing because you are 6.

But there will be some that see you, not as a child growing out of your boyish exterior, but they will see a man.

A threat.

A black man, who's dangerous.

See, son, you r bigger for your age, so I only imagine that as you grow and mature, you will appear to be tougher, solely because of your size.

They will mistake your build for something that needs to be controlled.

Put down.

Like an animal.

They will ignore your sweet spirit.

Your laugh.

Your smile and silliness.

Your intelligence.

Your whit.

And will see an outer shell that is only a piece of who you are.

And someone, may try to take you away from here.

Just the thought of that cuts like a sword to my heart.

But my son, my little King, I don't say this for you to walk in fear.

To be timid.

To hide.

No, baby, I say this so you know your power.

I know that God has made you exactly the way you are supposed to be.

You are to stand tall and strong.

You are to walk the path that the Lord has set for you.

You are to be proud of who you are.

What you will become.

You are a little black boy who will grow into a might black man.

A mighty black man of God.

No one will ever be able to take that away from you.

No one.

I think of those black men and women who have lost their lives to fearful police officers.

And my heart breaks.

I think of our family, King.

I think of your grandfathers.

Your uncles.

Your cousins.

Your fathers.

And when anger tries to take over and fear seeps in, I think of God.

And I remember the promises that He made to me.

That you would be amazing.

That you would never go without.

And I know that that isn't just for materialistic things, but you would never go without Him.

So, son, as you walk the halls of your schools, the streets of our communities,

As you ride down the highways and byways, stand in who you are.

Who God has made you to be.

Be a mighty black boy and grow into a mighty black man of God.

Without fear or reservation.

I love you.

I stand by you.

I am with you.

Rain

The drops of rain fall and beckon me to come

I go

They fall onto my hands and fill the curves and turns on my palms seeping and splashing my arms

Writing stories against my skin

Drop after drop they find a new layer of chapters

I turn my hands and feel the hard drops

They sing to my veins as they plop down one by one

I lift my foot and feel the drizzle through my toes

It’s cleansing as they flow around my foot

Falling side to side, to and fro

Is this what Jesus meant for us to feel?

They nailed him down at the hands and feet

But I’m here to feel the glory that is rain

It’s like God sent the rain today just for me

For me to feel the cleansing of each sprinkle

Watching as they caress my melanin

Am I so special that he gave it all to me?

That the rain that falls from my fingers and slowly finds it way to the ground, is all for me to feel this?

That He decided that it wasn’t for the trees to drink and it wasn’t to refresh the sun scorched grass, but for me to feel His love

That He knew I needed it more then they

That the refreshing was mine to have and they receive the benefits of my blessing?

I think it is

Because the tears that streak my face now tell me that it’s more than rain

That for the first time in a long time I physically felt a gift from God

And in this moment I feel His love

Streaming down my arms to my wrists into my palm of off of my fingers

I’m certain that the rain is for me

And each drop that touches me and drops to the ground is my mark I leave on this world

Through Heaven’s Eyes

I could look back at what I am and pick it apart

All of the dumb decisions I made

All of the times I had gotten myself into personal turmoil

I could look at all of my mistakes… man there’s plenty

I could beat myself down for my tragedies

I could focus on where I could be if I had only...

I could bury myself in guilt and shame

But

But I’ve spent too many years wallowing in my own self-pity

And I choose to look ahead

And only to look back to see my mistakes and misfortunes as stepping stones

They are the bricks that built this flawed beauty I claim as my life

They are the foundation of what is and what is to become of ME

They have toughened my skin

And set camp around my heart

They are what make me cautious and no longer blind

They’ve helped me mature and hold steady

God has counted my steps and made me strong through what others would claim to be disgraceful and embarrassing

These are the things that God has deemed strengthening and what gives me power to lead

These things should have quieted my voice, but God made me louder

I advocate, I shout, I laugh, I cry, I sing, I dance, I rejoice, I embrace, I Am!

I look at my life through heaven’s eyes.

But I love it

The laundry is piled high,

Dishes in the sink

Mail on the ottoman, but to really sit and think...

I love it.

The iron has dust on it,

The vacuum is tucked away,

Books all over your room, but I'm so blessed to say...

I love it.

I left the fan on,

When we left the house.

You forgot the flush the toilet, and there's toothpaste on my blouse....

But I. Love. It.

You and I have created this little piece of heaven.

Nestled in this nook that belongs to us.

Developing this sense of unapologetic trust.

And I love it.

We bunker down when it is cold,

Open the windows when the heat is bold, let out the laughs when stories r told...

And I love it.

This little person who looks to me,

Mistakes or misfortunes, each one he sees

But none of it takes away the glee when he sees his one and only mommy.

And I love it.

Whimpers and whines, giggles and snorts,

Daily hugs, kisses and school reports,

TV, YouTube, Netflix, sports,

Cub scouts, spelling tests, mosquito bites, angry retorts....

But damn. I love it.

No matter who comes or who goes,

No matter the way our story unfolds,

You are mine and I am yours...and everyday as the wind blows,

I love it.

And King Rayden, I love u.